NEW TO DVD JUNE 1, 2008

NEW TO DVD TUESDAY, JUNE 1, 2008

Drillbit Taylor-PG13 for crude sexual references throughout, strong bullying, language, drug references, and partial nudity-Starring Owen Wilson, Troy Gentile, Ian Roberts, Nate Hartley, and Casey & Dylan Boersma-Comedy/**A special caution to parents that there is male nudity, and the language is particularly crude.**Drillbit Taylor is the first film released after Owen Wilson’s reported suicide attempt last August, but was actually filmed before the desperation act last August. I don’t know exactly why (and likely no one does) Wilson purportedly decided to take his own life. But it does seem that Wilson, in this film as in his others (Wedding Crashers, You Me and Dupree, Zoolander) is a caliber above the movie itself. There is a slight chance that Owen enjoys being the best element of a movie. I doubt it. More likely, he is disappointed that the movies he is in are subpar and beneath him. Why he makes these movies I don’t know. Kind of like girls picking rotten boyfriends time and time again. When it’s not you, you keep wondering when they will ever get it. When it’s you, you just keep making stupid decision after stupid decision and stupid decision, and kicking yourself every time you do it. (Of course, not me J) Maybe after a while he wondered if he would ever get better at picking the right movie. Enough about Sad Owen. We hope Owen feels better, even though Drillbit Taylor isn’t an exception to the subpar movie streak. Now, you’re thinking, oh, the crazy video girl hates slapstick comedy movies, so of course, she would hate this movie. No, it just isn’t that good anyway, aside from my predisposition for strongly disliking no-brainer comedies. Owen does a decent job, or a good job, even. When he is allowed to do his thing, he is at his best, not confined by a script. However, the character he plays is a bit odd for him, and quite honestly muddy, and to Owen’s credit, there really is only so much he could do with it. Wilson plays a AWOL misfit soldier that is now homeless. Some rich geeky school kids (geeky to the extreme) who are being bullied (by a bully to the extreme) pay him to be their bodyguard. Owen takes their money and plans to milk it for all it’s worth. There are sort of two stories here, that are intertwined in an odd way—not separate and not able to stand alone (each doesn’t have a beginning, middle, end or even a plot), and yet not really intertwined enough to be a single story. This creates a really disorganized plot and story that is irritating if you are not easily distracted by the comedic element. The characters are a bit surreal, such as I mentioned above; the geeks are uber geeks, the bully is a psychopath, the bullying is over the top and as a result, is just not funny. Think Superbad, taken down a notch morally. Owen fans will still appreciate it.

Meet the Browns-PG13 for drug content, language including sexual references, thematic elements and brief violence-Starring Tyler Perry, David Mann, and Angela Bassett. Comedy/Slapstick. Just when I was thinking he was finished with these. How many are there, anyway? Are they in an attic? Is there a production line? Oh, bother. It feels kind of like American Pie, or National Lampoon’s, Scream, or Halloween (ok, not Halloween) Will it ever stop? Personally I wish they would just stop making slapstick comedy in general, but I know that’s just a silly pipe dream. I’ll settle for the end of any movie series that exceeds #3 with. exception of Star Wars, Star Trek, Alien, Predator, Alien v. Predator, Alien v Jedi v Predator, Alien v Spock v Predator, Travelocity Commercial Guy v Jedi, and Jesse Stone. A single mom living in the city of Chicago struggling to make ends meet finds out that her dad she never knew died. Not knowing where else to turn, she takes her kids south to his funeral, and meets that side of the family, The Browns. The Browns are like the hicks of Hicksville, the crass and rowdy and pleasant family and then she has some romantic interlude with somebody, hopefully not with anybody related, but I heard they do that in some southern areas and West Virginia and other backwoods places. I saw Wrong Turn and Deliverance, and I will never be the same again. Remember, kids, what you put in your head, you can never take out. I’ll prove it—try to forget your phone number. Don’t watch yucky things. Yucky in, yucky out. Anyway, that had nothing to do with Meet the Browns but you know me and distractions—just dangle something shiny in front of me. So, I’m sure this is just like Perry’s other movies. Did you like those? Then you will probably like this one. And his next 7.

Time Bomb-Starring Jake Busey, Matthew MacFadzean, and Vic Sahay/Thriller I ordered this because, why? Because Jake Busey is in it, and he is Gary’s son. I like Gary, and I like Jake, but he is usually in some pretty lousy movies. This is likely no exception. I haven’t seen this yet, and it is so unlikely that I will, but if I do I’ll update you. Busey’s character loses his son when his SUV explodes (don’t you just hate that?). Now a soldier in Iraq, every explosion reminds him of his son’s death. The military is working on an experimental virus that will turn soldiers into suicide bombers into suicide bombers to destroy the enemy, and due to some undisclosed circumstance, he does not know if he is already affected by the virus. Now he cannot tell which explosions are real and which are fabrications of his mind. Now, that just sounds downright silly to me. And these are the movies that cause me to wonder, in all seriousness, what person really read that script and though to themselves, this sounds like a great idea! A drunk script scout? More likely a rich producer making his own movie. Nevertheless, here is the movie, and even a fairly reputable actor worked on it, and to top it off, a distributor picked it up. A whole series of drunkards? Begrudgingly I must admit this scenario is unlikely. More likely is that someone read the script and thought, This is terrible! No matter—do you know how many people will watch this anyway? They will eat this up! And often they are right. It is rarely about the good movie, it is about the movie that sells. Sometimes I forget it is a business instead of an entity put in place to entertain me. They really should get their priorities straight. I think I’ll send a memo first thing Monday clarifying the need for a reorganization of priorities. UPDATE- I’m glad I watched this. First of all, whoever summarized the movie didn’t watch it. Allow me to accurately recap for you. So Jason (Busey) loses his son during an unfortunate auto explosion, and is sent to Iraq shortly after. Injured in the line of duty and under strong medication, he is witness to another soldier who dies from exploding from the inside, which he learns was from bio-experimentation. Not entirely sure if what he saw was real or drug induced, he continues with his duties after his recovery. Returning stateside after completing his tour of duty, he flashes back and forth between different tragic events in Iraq, his son’s death, and events at home, where people seem to be dying all around him. Jason discovers that he might be a carrier of the virus used in Iraq, which was designed to be spread and cause people to spontaneously combust, creating just enough unrest during the war on terror to get the “proper people” in office come election time. As he flashes from one moment and back again, Jason starts to wonder if he really is infected or if he, in fact, has gone crazy. SO THIS IS not at all bad like I thought it would be. The acting is very good and the dialogue is good too. The language, however, is terrible. F, F, F…. and so on. It’s gratuitous. Axing about 20 F Yous wouldn’t have caused the film any harm. I really thought this was quite good. If you can take the language, it’s worth the rental.

Vantage Point- PG13 for sequences of intense violence and action, some disturbing images, and brief strong language-Starring Forest Whittaker, William Hurt, Dennis Quaid, and Matthew Fox/Action/Suspense. This is definitely the movie to see this week. Whitaker makes the movie. Quaid is no lame duck either. Two secret service agents assigned to protect the President of the US while speaking in Paris attempt to thwart a known assassination attempt. Whitaker is an American tourist traveling in Paris watching the Presidential speech and believes he has videotaped the assassination of the President on tape. The story is replayed through different viewpoints, each time unfolding another layer to the event until it has been seen through every vantage point and the story made clear. The plot is intricate and well thought out, and the acting (and casting) is great, even in the not-so-visible roles. Great subplots and character backgrounds as well. There is some language in the movie, and yes, it is strong, but it isn’t throughout. A definite renter if you missed it in the theatre.

Thanks for visiting!

NEW TO DVD TUESDAY MAY 20, 2008

THE AIR I BREATHE-R for violence, language, and some sexual content/nudity DRAMA/CRIME Starring Kevin Bacon, Julie Delpy, Andy Garcia, Brendan Frasier, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Clark Gregg Emile Hersch, and Forest Whitaker. All I have to say for the cast is WOW. This was entirely filmed in Mexico. All I have to say for the story is two little words: HO KEY. A story about how we are all interconnected and how there are four emotions—hope, sorrow, happiness, and.. oh, I don’t remember the fourth one. Love? It’s based on some Chinese proverb. I think some writer must have eaten some bad Chinese food, taken his fortune cookie prophecy a little too seriously, and watched Magnolia and Crash one too many times, with a Saki chaser, pen in hand. (Or is Saki Japanese?) That’s not the point. The point is, it’s a great cast, and a silly idea for a movie. Why don’t you just join a cult and chant while you’re at it? I hear scientology is looking for recruits?

CLEANER-R for bloody images, violence and some language. Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Ed Harris, and Eva Mendes. (No, not Cleaner as in LEON, and no, the THE CLEANER, as in the Comedy) DRAMA/CRIME This is the story of a former cop (Jackson) who is now a cleaner. A cleaner, you say? No, not a hit man. And not just a janitor. Tom is the man who goes around and cleans up crime scenes after the dead bodies are removed. How would you like to have that job? Yicky (yuck+icky). The drama begins when Tom returns to the scene he has already cleaned to return a key, only to find Mendes, who he quickly learns is unaware that any crime has taken place. In addition to the oddity of her being unaware of the scene he cleaned up only yesterday, her husband appears to be missing. Hmm…. Coincidence? And the story continues from there, introducing Harris as Tom’s ex-partner. Apparently there is some rather graphic scenery of the dead bodies, I’m assuming of the scenes Tom is cleaning up. There is also some sort of “morally repugnant” twist near the end— I have no idea what this is about. I’m scared to find out. Most say this is filmed well, but isn’t mainstream enough to cater to the masses, yet isn’t unique enough to hit a specific niche. A mere fence rider that, uncommitted, may not be around for very long.

LIFE & LYRICS – NR Starring Ashley Walters. A nice little British number that got smashed and bashed and kicked around. DJ’s in south London battle against those in the North. Yep, that’s it. The whole plot. Take 8 Mile. Take it out of Detroit. Add some UK (not Queen’s English, either) accents. And make it in half the time with half the money and half the talent. And you have Life & Lyrics. I popped it in for a minute to see if it really was that bad. And oh, yes, my friends, the critics were on the money with this one. The DVD was better when it was blank.
MINUTE MEN-TVG DISNEY – I think this is the Zack and Cody kids? A spin off of the Suite Life? Not sure. My kids told me but I forgot. I asked if it was popular and they said “Yes!, Buy it.” And so here it is.

THE TAKE-R I just can’t. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t take it. I’m gonna snap. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MOVIES ARE TITLED “THE TAKE”? FIVE. Why must they do that? Do you realize that the English language has more words in it than any other? (more than double) We have over a half million words to choose from, over 600,000 if you include all the variants. Over one million if you include the scientific terminology. The average person uses about 2,500 different words per day, but YOU ARE A WRITER. That makes you NOT an average person. When there are over 500,000 words to choose from, there is absolutely no reason at all why there should be duplicate movie titles—ever! PICK ANOTHER WORD OR PHRASE! When you string words together there are infinite combinations at your disposal. In protest, I refuse to review this movie. If you look on IMDB, good luck figuring out which “THE TAKE” is streeting next week. IDIOTS.

THE WALKER – R (you are all on the edge, wondering…. Is that crazy girl going to check to see if there is another movie with that title…..and does she need medication) Yes, thank you, I checked. And yes, there is another of the same title, but at least it was foreign, so it looks different, so it really isn’t THE WALKER, it just translates into THE WALKER. They get a marginal pass. Another British movie, with Woody Harrelson of all people, and… Lauren Bacall. This is a suspense thriller. Harrelson plays the role of a male escort, catering to Washington DC’s society women. Becoming famous by association and knowing everything about everyone, he somehow manages to get himself wrapped up in a murder investigation. Harrelson’s performance is supposedly top notch, which is never surprising.

NEW TO DVD TUESDAY MAY 13, 2008

New To DVD Tuesday May 13, 2008

BOTCHED-NR- Starring Stephen Dorff, Jamie Foreman, Geoff Bell, Jamie Murray, and Bronagh Gallagher. Horror/Comedy You know, Shaun of the Deadish. This was the winner of the New York City Horror Film Festival’s Best Actor and Best Feature awards. One normally wouldn’t think that comedy and horror would blend well. 1 part funny, 2 parts gore, 1 pinch of slapsticky one-liners, a dash of shock and awe… shake it all up, and voila! Botched! Pun emphatically intended. I’m sure it’s just as good (bad) as Shaun of the Dead. Basically the plot is probably irrelevant to the movie’s merits, but here goes: Stephen Dorff is Ritchie, a thief, who goes to Moscow to steal an artifact. Somehow (I don’t know how because I haven’t subjected myself to the viewing), he gets trapped in a high rise on the 13th floor (don’t they skip the 13th floor in hotels and high rises nowadays? I mean, obviously the floor is still there, but they call the 13th floor the 14th floor because people get freaked out by the 13th floor. But then if people knew the 14th floor was actually the 13th floor, wouldn’t they be freaked out by what was now called the 14th floor? And then they’d have to skip floors 13 and 14, and call the 13th floor the 15th floor….) and witness beheadings and some other twisted stuff. The last line of the DVD cover reads “Rest in pieces.” he he—that’s not funny.

COVER-PG-13 for mature thematic material, sexual situations and language, violence and some drug content. Starring Vivica A. Fox, Lou Gossett, Jr., and Aunjanue Ellis. Drama/Thriller A devoted Christian wife finds out her hubby is leading a double life, potentially destroying everything she’s ever known. As a result (and much to her surprise, she is arrested for the murder of a famous singer. An overly zealous prosecuting attorney with political ambitions rising above his desire for justice makes it his mission to prove her guilty. Although the plot sounds interesting, it looks second rate.

MAD MONEY-PG13 Starring Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes. Comedy. Three desperate women from very different worlds decide rip off one of the most secure banks in America by stealing worn out currency on its way to the Federal Reserve shredder. It looks OK, I guess.

NORA’S HAIR SALON 2: A CUT ABOVE-PG13 Starring Tatyana Ali, Stacey Dash, and Bobby Brown. Comedy. The owner of the salon decides to sell the shop and pocket the prof