NEW TO DVD TUESDAY MAY 20, 2008

THE AIR I BREATHE-R for violence, language, and some sexual content/nudity DRAMA/CRIME Starring Kevin Bacon, Julie Delpy, Andy Garcia, Brendan Frasier, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Clark Gregg Emile Hersch, and Forest Whitaker. All I have to say for the cast is WOW. This was entirely filmed in Mexico. All I have to say for the story is two little words: HO KEY. A story about how we are all interconnected and how there are four emotions—hope, sorrow, happiness, and.. oh, I don’t remember the fourth one. Love? It’s based on some Chinese proverb. I think some writer must have eaten some bad Chinese food, taken his fortune cookie prophecy a little too seriously, and watched Magnolia and Crash one too many times, with a Saki chaser, pen in hand. (Or is Saki Japanese?) That’s not the point. The point is, it’s a great cast, and a silly idea for a movie. Why don’t you just join a cult and chant while you’re at it? I hear scientology is looking for recruits?

CLEANER-R for bloody images, violence and some language. Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Ed Harris, and Eva Mendes. (No, not Cleaner as in LEON, and no, the THE CLEANER, as in the Comedy) DRAMA/CRIME This is the story of a former cop (Jackson) who is now a cleaner. A cleaner, you say? No, not a hit man. And not just a janitor. Tom is the man who goes around and cleans up crime scenes after the dead bodies are removed. How would you like to have that job? Yicky (yuck+icky). The drama begins when Tom returns to the scene he has already cleaned to return a key, only to find Mendes, who he quickly learns is unaware that any crime has taken place. In addition to the oddity of her being unaware of the scene he cleaned up only yesterday, her husband appears to be missing. Hmm…. Coincidence? And the story continues from there, introducing Harris as Tom’s ex-partner. Apparently there is some rather graphic scenery of the dead bodies, I’m assuming of the scenes Tom is cleaning up. There is also some sort of “morally repugnant” twist near the end— I have no idea what this is about. I’m scared to find out. Most say this is filmed well, but isn’t mainstream enough to cater to the masses, yet isn’t unique enough to hit a specific niche. A mere fence rider that, uncommitted, may not be around for very long.

LIFE & LYRICS – NR Starring Ashley Walters. A nice little British number that got smashed and bashed and kicked around. DJ’s in south London battle against those in the North. Yep, that’s it. The whole plot. Take 8 Mile. Take it out of Detroit. Add some UK (not Queen’s English, either) accents. And make it in half the time with half the money and half the talent. And you have Life & Lyrics. I popped it in for a minute to see if it really was that bad. And oh, yes, my friends, the critics were on the money with this one. The DVD was better when it was blank.
MINUTE MEN-TVG DISNEY – I think this is the Zack and Cody kids? A spin off of the Suite Life? Not sure. My kids told me but I forgot. I asked if it was popular and they said “Yes!, Buy it.” And so here it is.

THE TAKE-R I just can’t. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t take it. I’m gonna snap. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MOVIES ARE TITLED “THE TAKE”? FIVE. Why must they do that? Do you realize that the English language has more words in it than any other? (more than double) We have over a half million words to choose from, over 600,000 if you include all the variants. Over one million if you include the scientific terminology. The average person uses about 2,500 different words per day, but YOU ARE A WRITER. That makes you NOT an average person. When there are over 500,000 words to choose from, there is absolutely no reason at all why there should be duplicate movie titles—ever! PICK ANOTHER WORD OR PHRASE! When you string words together there are infinite combinations at your disposal. In protest, I refuse to review this movie. If you look on IMDB, good luck figuring out which “THE TAKE” is streeting next week. IDIOTS.

THE WALKER – R (you are all on the edge, wondering…. Is that crazy girl going to check to see if there is another movie with that title…..and does she need medication) Yes, thank you, I checked. And yes, there is another of the same title, but at least it was foreign, so it looks different, so it really isn’t THE WALKER, it just translates into THE WALKER. They get a marginal pass. Another British movie, with Woody Harrelson of all people, and… Lauren Bacall. This is a suspense thriller. Harrelson plays the role of a male escort, catering to Washington DC’s society women. Becoming famous by association and knowing everything about everyone, he somehow manages to get himself wrapped up in a murder investigation. Harrelson’s performance is supposedly top notch, which is never surprising.