X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE

I think Chris Carter wanted to believe this would do better than it is doing. I want to believe the cost of my over-priced movie ticket will be refunded. I also want to believe that Chris Carter didn't write a super long X-Files episode and con me into paying to see it instead of airing it on television. But alas, I have been suckered. Not only was it just an extra long X-Files television episode, it wasn't one of the better ones. Mike was upset that it was alien-free. The acting and dialogue were actually awkward and strained, and through parts of it I was actually uncomfortable because of it—like I was embarrassed for the cast (most notably, Gillian Anderson, who although looked great after her weight loss, performed poorly throughout the entire film). Duchovny also looked great; perhaps he took a few of Gillian's lost pounds, which suited him well. His acting was better than that of his ex-partner, but the dialogues and subplots between the two were weak, attempted to be dramatic but weren't, and just seemed out of sorts overall.

There were some political agendas present, which may have gone unnoticed by the liberal movie-going public—it didn't go unnoticed by me. I might have forgiven this had it been a white knuckle movie.
The ending was by far the weakest element of the movie, exacerbated by Anderson's sad performance. It attempted to be very dramatic, yet somehow missed the mark entirely and the result was sheer hokeyness.

The main storyline was OK, and that's as much praise as I'll give it. It was hardly worth them keeping the storyline hush-hush, as if it was some deep, dark, terribly inventive, and original idea. If it's any indication of the movie's worth, Stepbrothers is outperforming X-Files this weekend, and of course The Dark Knight is crushing it as one would expect, which would have been the case even if it had been decent. We saw X-Files on Saturday, only one day after opening, and it was only showing in two small theatres out of eighteen (I think), and there were only five other people in that theatre. BOMB.

There is another X-Files being tossed about for 2012, but I think it's contingent on how well this one did. I'm thinking this one might not see the big screen?

One a brighter note, the staff at Celebration Cinema were no longer wearing Mamma Mia! T-shirts, and the ticket girl looked quite pleased when I commented on the fact. Mike suggested she put her no-longer-needed-t-shirt on E-Bay, but I told her I didn't think anyone would buy it. I told her to use it for a dust rag. Even though the T-shirt looked stupid and the movie was super sucky, I think it would make a perfectly good dust rag.

NEW TO DVD JULY 28,2008

New to DVD Tuesday JULY 28, 2008

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities


Truth is, I'm supposed to be editing a Web site for a hotel in Rome. Looks nice by the way. Pricey, but it's got a great view, or so the Web site says. I'm finished editing, but it could use another proof just to make sure. Thankfully I'm editing their English version site, not their Italian version site, although they want it in British English… those silly UK people spell everything all crazy and tense their verbs differently. So I'm supposed to be doing that, but I needed a break, so onto movie reviews I go. You can only dwell on driving directions to the Vatican and room amenities for so long before it just gets to be blah.

Anyway, onto movies… wow. Is it a sad movie week, or what? The big movie was Harold and Kumar followed by Shine a Light. Or vice versa; I can't remember. I hope Shine a Light took in more money at the box office, but I have a sneaky suspicion that Harold and Kumar sucked in the mindless masses and lessened to world's IQ by a point or two by doing so.

The new releases for next week are:

COCAINE COWBOYS 2: HUSTLIN' WITH THE GODMOTHER
DOOMSDAY
HAROLD AND KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY
NEVER BACK DOWN
ROLLING STONES: SHINE A LIGHT
SIDE SHO

And no, I didn't misspell the last one.

I saw the first COCAINE COWBOYS, which is based on a true story, as is this one. This is about Griselda Blanco, the coke trafficker in Miami who was basically responsible (they think) for the murder of hundreds and hundreds of people as she furthered her cocaine empire. The story is told through the point of view of Charles Cosby, her lover (until his betrayal). No, the first one wasn't all that good, but it served its purpose on the shelf as a good renter. A bit over the top, as I'm sure this one is, if not more. Entertainment Weekly writes, "The 'Godmother' makes Tony Montana look like Mother Teresa." What that tells me, other than the fact that the journalist who wrote that is super clever and witty (drip drip) is that they probably needed to take this one to the extreme to keep the viewing public interested. Can you say "shock value"? (rhetorical) It's not rated.

DOOMSDAY-R/UR for some strong bloody violence, language, and some sexual content/nudity. Starring Rhona Mitra, Bob Hoskins, Adrian Lester, David O'Hara, and Malcolm Mcdowell. Action/Sci-Fi. You know, the typical doomsday (as the name so appropriately suggest), the-whole-world-is-going-to-end-unless-one-select-person-can-save-us-from-this-government-made-killer-virus type movie. Yes, you've seen it before. At least I think that's what happens. It was in the theatre a long time ago, and you know I see a lot of movies, and that plot has been used before… they all get a little jumbled in here [pointing to my head]. I didn't hate it, even though it really wasn't by my choice that we saw it. It was a little over the top with the crazy characters, and the cannibalism thing was a little gross. The movie would have been just as fine without people eating people. I would have been fine with that. Other than that part, it was a pretty good movie. Lots of blood, lots of chasing, fighting, smashing, exploding, and of course, some subplots with love interests for those wives that got drug along to see it by their action-crazed husbands. Not naming names. (You know I'm kidding, I'm the first to jump for an action flick, and you couldn't pay me to see a chick flick.) I guess of all the movies available to see this week, I'd pick this one. But don't go around saying, "The crazy VV girl said Doomsday was great!" because that's not what I said. I said, given the competition, this is what I'd see, and the competition isn't competing very hard.

HAROLD AND KUMAR-R for strong crude and sexual content, graphic nudity, pervasive language, and drug use. Starring John Cho and Kal Penn. Now, let me just take a moment and redirect you to the reasons for which it is rated R. Any flags? Not sexual content. STRONG sexual content. Not for nudity, but for GRAPHIC nudity. Not for language, or for strong language, but for PERVASIVE language (we've had this discussion before about the difference, right?). Now, combine all that with the fact that it probably isn't a good movie to begin with, and I just fail to see the draw at all. I might sit through an Fyou or two for a REALLY good movie once in a while. But for this trash? They probably say it every two seconds to get the "pervasive" notation. Anyway, I'm sure you've seen the trailer, which probably sums up the entire movie very adequately. So I guess I don't feel the need to summarize for you.

NEVER BACK DOWN – PG13 for mature thematic material involving intense sequences of fighting, violence, some sexuality, partying and language-all involving teens. Starring Sean Faris, Amber Heard, Cam Gigandet, Evan Peters, Leslie Hope, and Djimon Hounsou. Action/Drama. Yes, his name is really Djimon. Like Digimon? That's not funny to you if you don't have kids or don't play with Pokemon. This is like Karate Kid for 2008. Only this kid is a little more masculine than pretty boy Ralph. It's like the identical story, no kidding. Whoever wrote the screenplay for Karate Kid should sue. I haven't seen this, but I'm sure I will because I have teenage daughters in the house. I'm guessing they might want to see this? That is it's targeted demographic. I saw the trailer and it looked cheesy and somewhat entertaining. I'm sure it hit the mark for its intended audience.

ROLLING STONES SHINE A LIGHT- PG13 for brief strong language, drug references and smoking. This was the one in IMAX everywhere. I didn't bother to see it. I'm not a huge Stones fan, but can deny their contribution to the music industry. Probably made for a decent story, but not on my must-see list.

SIDE SHO-R for horror violence/gore, language, some sexuality/nudity, and brief drug use. Horror. Stop me if you've seen this one…"A suburban family on vacation in the backwoods of Florida ventures off the beaten path…" Every horror movie made? Well, they stumble on a roadside attraction that has a dark secret… "the most twisted show on earth" this is the winner of the best feature film of the terror film festival, along with the best soundtrack. From Lucky Kitty Productions. That amused me. Of course, this looks downright gory and silly. Die hard gore fans will love it.

Quantum of Solace 007: Coming Not So Soon

Quantum of Solace 007 Coming Not So Soon

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

QUANTUM OF SOLACE (aka B22, or Bond 22)

Quantum of Solace is the newest of Bond features based on Fleming's infamous and fabulously flawed government assassin, 007. Playing off the storyline created in Casino Royale in 2006, Daniel Craig once again portrays James Bond, this time bringing his character to the Bond persona we knew back when he was portrayed by the likes of Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, and Pierce Brosnan.
Casino Royale, the first Bond feature that delightfully introduced us to Daniel Craig, changed things up a bit when it took us back to the beginning. This at least began to answer questions for us such as, where did Bond begin? What was he like? Where did he come from? What is his background? Although Casino Royale didn't wrap this up in a neat little bow, it did gave us bits and pieces of the type of a man he was prior to his 00 status, and suggested how his job changed him and how the events that took place during Casino Royale shaped his character as we now know it. But to what extent?
This is where Quantum of Solace takes over. In the trailer, to say that Bond appears an angry man is a severe understatement. His love now dead after her betrayal as shown in end of Casino Royale, Bond is seeking revenge, and the trailer suggests he has gone rogue from MI6 (M is again played by the lovely Judi Dench). Of course, as so often the case, Bond thrives in the rogue agent persona.
The trailer gives off a dark vibe, distinguishing itself from the other Bond films. First Batman, now Bond? Is Hollywood in need of a Wellbutrin fix? In the past, Bond movies have typically had some form of intermittent comic relief with Bond's witty retorts, gratuitous half-dressed and lovely women with sexually-referenced names that thankfully your little ones don't always catch, and some surreal action footage that is often more amusing than suspenseful. Casino Royale left this behind somewhat in their successful attempt to make Bond more human and the film more realistic in general, but the trailer for QOS looks beyond simply realistic and well into bleak.
And the Bond Girls? The character of Camille is played by the lovely Olga Kurylenko, who played Nika alongside Timothy Olyphant in Hitman. The other is Gemma Arterton, a UK actress who is also in the upcoming Prince of Persia: Sands of Time. You also may have seen her on Entertainment Tonight (if you watch that garbage). Camille is about 5' 7" tall, and with heels, well… she's a little over 5' 10". Mr. Craig is only 5' 10", and as a result, they had Craig wear lifts in his shoes to make him taller than Camille throughout the shooting to make up the difference. Reportedly, Mr. Craig took this well—in fact, thinking it was rather funny. Apparently Ms. Kurylenko took every opportunity to razz Craig about it—but can you really blame her? The jokes just write themselves, do they not?
Daniel Craig said that physically, Casino Royale was a "walk in the park" compared to what he had to go through for QOS, so I would expect a lot more action from this one, which is saying a lot given the intense action scenes in the beginning of Casino Royale (the chase scene through the construction zones?). Daniel's training for the film included boxing, running, speed boating, and he apparently injured himself on three occasions during the filming.
And yes, my little Bond fans, there is yet another Bond movie in the pipeline (Bond 23 for now) scheduled for release in 2010. For those of you die-hard Bond fans, here is a chronological list of all the previous Bond movies so you can catch up before the latest one comes out.

Dr. No (1962) From Russia with Love (1963) Goldfinger (1964) Thunderball (1965) You Only Live Twice (1967) On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969) Diamonds Are Forever (1971) Live and Let Die (1973) The Man with the Golden Gun (1974) The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) Moonraker (1979) For Your Eyes Only (1981) Octopussy (1983) A View to a Kill (1985) The Living Daylights (1987) License to Kill (1989) GoldenEye (1995) Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) The World Is Not Enough (1999) Die Another Day (2002) Casino Royale (2006)

And before you ask, YES, there is a book by Fleming titled Quantum of Solace. No, this storyline does not follow that book at all—they share the title only—not even the characters are the same except for James Bond and M, so don't go thinking that if you've read the book that you are all Mr. Smartie about the movie. This is a completely original screenplay written by Neal Purvis, just based on the characters. Don't worry, a lot of the Bond films you've seen haven't been taken from Fleming's novels. Which ones weren't Fleming's stories? License to Kill was the first one (although it does take certain elements from a couple of his stories), GoldenEye (this is the first true original screenplay that made absolutely no reference to any Flemming story), Tomorrow Never Dies, The World is Not Enough, and Die Another Day are the others.
So Die Another Day might not have been the best Bond film ever… but the rest of the non-Fleming written Bond films seem to be holding their own. After seeing the trailer for QOS, I have no worries about this one either.

And have you seen the poster?!! That's not a Walter PPK he's holding... SWEET!

NOW SHOWING IN THEATRES: MAMMA MIA! KIT KITTEREDGE

NOW SHOWING-UPDATED
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

IN THEATRES

If you recall, Mike and I saw an hour of previews at the theatre for the movies that were being released this summer. We were asked to rate the movies based on the trailers; which ones we thought would do well, and which ones we thought would bomb, based on a scale from 0-5, 0 being super sucky. The next day, I posted the list of movies with a new rating on my blog; not based on how well I thought they would do in the theatre, but based on how watch-worthy I thought they were. These are two very different things, of course, as there are many movies I wouldn't see that I think the public would flock to.

Personally, I was super geeked about all the comic book and superhero movies that were being released. It was like Christmas, and I couldn't wait to see Iron Man, Hulk, Dark Knight, and Hancock. I was pleased with all of them (As a side note, they are coming out with a new Punisher, and Watchmen!)

If you remember, there were several movies on the list that I gave a zero on the theatre list and a no $ to (signifying that you would be better off giving your money to a inept charity than to pay $.99 to rent it), due to the terrible trailor we saw. The two that come to mind were Mamma Mia!, and Kit Kitteridge: An American Girl. Coincidentally, both movies are currently playing in the theatre right now, as is the Dark Knight, which I rated a 5.
Before I continue my bash, I will begin by imploring you not to wait until the Dark Knight comes out on video to see it. I realize some of the Batman movies have been less than worthy. I assure you this is not one of them. Heath Ledger's performance is eerie and off-the-charts amazing, and reviews for the movie in general have been across the board positive. You can see it again when it comes out on DVD. Agreeing with the critics, this is certainly the darkest of the batman movies, and Ledger's permance makes the movie. A must see. Iron Man was fun, but this was made better. I can't say which I liked better, as they were so very different. All I can say is that you MUST see it.

Now, onto Mamma Mia! First, the demographic is women over 30 who appreciate Abba. Interestingly enough, that would be me. Heck, I even own Abba's greatest hits (although I do not actually listen to anything but Christian music, I still have a stash of old Cds). Even though I am the targeted demographic, I cannot imagine seeing this movie. First, you realize that although the song choice might be great, can you imagine Streep and Brosnan singing them? Dancing Queen? Can you say cheeeeeez? Hokey at best. Critics are bashing this left and right. At Celebration Cinema, workers are shamefully wearing Mamma Mia! T-shirts in a last ditch effort to promote what they know is a non-producer. The staff begrudgingly wears them, and when questioned, tentatively answes that they have not seen the movie themselves. The poor staff would appreciate wearing Dark Knight T-shirts, but of course, they need not advertise that movie. Yes, Streep is a near flawless actress, I dare say the best of her kind. Yet even she cannot perform miracles--which is what it would take to save this sad little number.
Now, onto Kit Kitteredge, which I bashed equally. Never has a trailer looked as boring as this. Never a trailer looked more like an advertisement for a product rather than a trailer for a movie. The trailer was but 60 seconds long and I nearly fell asleep. And I have insomnia. Not really, that just sounded funny. Shut up; it was so, funny. But in reading critics reviews, I must say it didn't get bashed as much as I would have expected. Ebert actually didn't bash it at all. (gasp!) It did get ripped on for it's political agenda and undertones, and a few said it did lean towards the boring side as the makers attempted to accurately depict the depression during WWII. Apparently the acting is quite good--it still looks like a snoozer to me, but like I said, the critics aren't being quite as harsh as I thought they would be.

Oh, and the X-Files is coming soon, and that looks absolutely great, and the plot is being kept super secret.. shhhh.... The original cast is back and it is a stand alone story.
PS, I waivered on my opinion of the Wanted trailer, saying it would be really good or really hokey; it was hard to tell. Thumbs up; this was a great action flick. My only problem with this movie was the constant vulgar references to Jesus/God, most notably in the beginning. They went a little overboard with that. The character of Janice had a potty mouth. I said yesterday this was out of the big theateres. I wrongly assumed they were pulling it Friday to make way for Batman, which they ran all through the night. Actually, this is still playing in one theatre at Celebration-you still have a chance to see it if you go this week.

NEW to DVD JULY 2, 2008

NEW TO DVD JULY 22

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
LAST WEEK there were 5 movies that had grossed over $10M in the box office. This week, there is but one. 21. 21 grossed $81M in the box office, and is the clear front runner for the week. I saw this as soon as it came out. Kevin Spacey is one of my favorite actors, and counting cards and con game movies suck me in every time. I was irritated with one thing only with the movie, but it wasn't with the actual movie, per se. My issue was with MIT, which was where the true story took place, but MIT refused to let them shoot the movie there. Now that's just plain mean spirited.

21-PG13 for some violence and sexual content including partial nudity-Starring Kevin Spacey, Jim Sturgess, Kate Bosworth, and Lawrence Fishburne. Drama/Crime. First, the acting was superb by all cast members. Kate Bosworth was my least favorite, and I could take her or leave her. Sturgess was great, and Spacey was his usual untouchable self. As mentioned above, this is a true story of a bunch of little MIT smarties who decided to ban together to count cards in Vegas to take in some extra cash—and lots of it. With a little help from their statistics professor (gosh I love statistics and probability) they get themselves into quite the mess, because as I'm sure you know, although counting cards isn't necessarily illegal, the casinos don't exactly welcome card counters at their blackjack tables. The DVD explains the card counting theory if you are interested.

Now… THE OTHER movies…

DARK HONEYMOON-Starring Roy Scheider, Tia Carrere, Lindy Booth, Daryl Hannah, and Eric Roberts. Suspense/Horror/TV. A man marries a woman after knowing her only a short time, and people start dying mysteriously around them, causing him to wonder if he really knows who he married. Looks.. like it was made for TV.

SIX REASONS WHY-R for violence and language-Starring Daniel Wooster, Chistopher Harrison, Jeff Campagna, Mads Koudal, and Colm Feore. Western. "Draw first, ask later." Looks as bad as the tag line sounds.

TURN THE RIVER- R for language-Starring Famke Janssen. Drama. A pool shark risks everything to escape her ex-husband and her past. Actually received decent reviews by critics.

TWIN DAGGERS-R for some violence-Starring Rhett Giles, Coco Su, and Veronica Bero- Martial Arts/Action. A hit man is hired by a woman to kill her twin, but falls in love with his target.

NEW to DVD JULY 15, 2008

New to DVD Tuesday July 15

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
THE BANK JOB-R for sexual content, nudity, violence, and language-Starring Jason Statham. Crime/Action/Suspense. You know how I love a good heist film. And you know I love Jason Statham. And of course there is the "based on a true story" element. And then throw in a little violence and action…. And you have my favorite movie of the week. You know how I feel about box office revenue. The masses so often see the movies I would never bother to spend a dime on, and they skip the ones they should be seeing. For example, here are the box office revenue earnings for the DVD releases this week:

STEP UP 2: THE STREETS $58M
COLLEGE ROAD TRIP $43M
THE BANK JOB $30M
SHUTTER $26M
PENELOPE $10M

It's actually quite rare to have 5 releases in a single week that have brought in over $10M in the box office. But back to the movies and their corresponding revenue—you couldn't have paid me to watch college road trip. You might have persuaded me, at gunpoint, to watch step up 2. If you could have convinced me the gun was loaded at a range that would prove to be lethal. Shutter looked eerie, but not necessarily bad. Just a movie that perhaps you wouldn't want to watch right before bedtime and quite honestly, I just didn't feel the need to subject myself to such torture. I would have been amused, I'm sure, but would have paid for it by being unsettled or disturbed later (no cracks about me already being disturbed). Penelope looks simply silly, and the only reason people are renting this movie from me so far is to see the Twilight preview that is included on the disc. I might have seen this if my kids would have begged me to take them. However,
thankfully they did not ask, and instead they have asked to see Kung Fu Panda (which was cute), Iron Man (oorah!), Hulk (SOOOOO much better than the first one), Hancock (very very good, Mr. Smith), Wall-E (cute and politically/satirically motivated—I was very amused), Indiana Jones, and they saw the new Narnia without me. I think there were others recently but that's all I remember at the moment.
So back to The Bank Job. This is based on a true story, but as usual, how much of it is true remains unclear. This is because the story itself was classified (the crazy UK people call this "D-noticed") by the government for reasons of national security shortly after it happened. A few days after the incident, the intense media coverage stopped completely as a result. Why was this DA-notice issued? Well, the producers say their inside source, made executive producer, claims it was because a safety deposit box, ravaged at the robbed bank, contained compromising photos of Princess Margaret. The safety deposit box belonged to murder suspect, Michael X (a black civil rights activist of the 60s). The story goes that MI5 knew Michael X had the compromising photos of Little Miss Margaret, and while he had them in his possession, he was untouchable. That is the part that is not confirmed. Michael X's government file is still scheduled to be sealed well into 2050. Coincidentally, Michael X was convicted and hanged for murder shortly after the robbery.
And although much of the story seems entirely implausible, a lot of the story is quite true. The locations (down to the chicken shack), the massive drilling, and the radio ham operator's overhearing of the thieves' conversations (made public again just recently). Some of these conversations are word-for-word.
DOES IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS? Everyone loves a conspiracy. Personally, I think the illuminati were involved…
Critics agree with me on this one, folks… this one is a must see.
Really, the others just pale in comparison.